Subtitle: “Why Do We Hate Light?”

I woke this morning to an iPhone that read “4:30 am,” and was mildly annoyed until I realized it was “really” 5:30 am and I had just gained a quiet hour of pleasure reading.  Carpe diem.

Mostly, though, I think Daylight Savings Time (thanks Ben Franklin!) is brilliant.  Keep it around all year, I say.

On the longest day of the year, the sun bathes Connecticut for more than fifteen glorious hours.  This year, the Winter Solstice is December 21, 2016, on which there will be nine paltry hours of light.  Nine.

“Falling Back”on November 6 — just as daylight is shrinking and air temperature is dropping — feels like a particularly Yankee approach to adding insult to injury.  You think the sun sets early now?  Boom.  Docked you another hour.

This gap — from early November through the New Year — is really difficult for our clients going through divorce.  It is a period of challenging and significant firsts, particularly with respect to the holidays, and, frankly, literally losing light does not help.

For people contemplating divorce, the impact of this season is a little different.  People tend to face the holidays with rising expectations, despite what disappointments they might have had in years past,” explains University of Washington Sociology professor Julie Brines.  “Once these moments of hope and happiness fail to deliver on their promise of impending change” people can suffer disappointment and their expectations may settle.  Often there is an uptick in the number of divorces following the holidays, a time that according to researchers “embodies the spirit of movement and change.”

Okay, How Do We Feel Better?

For both those considering divorce and those already going through the transition, the main key is to be aware of how this time of year can affect us.  If you are like me and short days get you, consider a light therapy lamp (seriously, we have them on all the desks at Freed Marcroft), get outside and exercise even if the idea sounds miserable, and plan some evening activities so that you can avoid too much time cocooning on the couch.  Whether you are beginning to think about divorce or are already in it, check out our tips on taking care of yourself (and your kids if you have them) during the holiday season.

By the way, even after all my caterwauling, it’s not lost on me that I owe the return to Eastern Standard Time not only for the inspiration for this blog post but also for the extra time I had over coffee in which to write it.  More, after the Winter Solstice, we do all get to begin the brightening march to Spring.

_____________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s legal team guides select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Turning Back the Clocks and Divorce appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Yesterday morning, following President-Elect Trump’s win, I met with a young married couple about a step-parent adoption. They were two women, and the meeting opened with tears.

It was heartbreaking.

Adoption consultations are usually some of our most joyous — a happy couple, either planning for or expecting a child.  Yesterday, though, was the morning after a historical election that for many, including in particular for same-sex couples, creates anxiety and fear surrounding the Supreme Court and the status of their rights as a married couple and as a family.

What did I tell them?

A Brief Background

Sometimes, one spouse is not biologically related to a child of the other spouse.  Connecticut has a process called step-parent adoption, which allows the non-bio parent (whether they a member of a same-sex or opposite-sex marriage) to adopt the child.  The key is that an adoption results in a court order that says both spouses are full and equal parents to their child, with the same, full legal rights and responsibilities.  Under the Full Faith and Credit Clause of Article IV of the United States Constitution, every state must recognize the court orders of every other state.

What’s That Mean?

Even if we see an overturn of Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015’s landmark United States Supreme Court decision that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples, it will not impact a spouse’s rights or responsibilities to a child pursuant to an adoption.

What Do We Do?

If you have a child you are not biologically related to, you should adopt.  This has actually not changed.  I have written before here and again here about why, even with Obergefell intact, you should adopt your kids.  Your adoption legally memorializes what you and your spouse always intended — that you both have the same parental rights to your child.

Adoption is the smart thing to do.  And, if like many people, you are you are feeling scared in the face of Mr. Trump’s win, it might actually also make you feel a little better.

_____________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s legal team guides select clients through the legal aspects of adoption and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Post-Election Stress and Adoption appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

On Thursday, November 17th at 5:30 PM, Freed Marcroft Attorneys Meghan Freed and Carla Zahner will host a complimentary webinar on stepparent adoption in Connecticut.

The recent presidential election has highlighted the importance of adopting children of parents of the same sex.  This webinar will provide clarity on the current status of children who are biologically related to one but not both parents, will share possible impacts of the presidential race, and will present possible solutions to bring legal protections and comfort to parents.

Who Should Register for this Webinar?

• Married and unmarried same-sex couples raising children who are biologically related to one but not both partners.
• Married and unmarried same-sex couples considering beginning a family.
• Same-sex couples interested in the potential impacts of the recent presidential election on the status of their parental rights.

 What Topics Will Be Discussed?

_____________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s legal team guides select clients through the legal aspects of adoption and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post [Webinar] “CT Same-Sex Couples & Stepparent Adoption: Your Name on the Birth Certificate is Not Enough” appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Getting divorced is challenging enough, but if you and your spouse live in different countries, it’s hard to know where to begin and what to do afterwards. Where do you file to commence proceedings? And how is the divorce order enforced, especially as it pertains to child custody and division of marital property?

It’s a complicated situation that can apply to couples who consist of:

• Two American citizens with one or both spouses living abroad
• Two foreign nationals residing in the U.S.
• One American citizen and one foreign national living in the U.S. or abroad

When U.S. law and international law interact, knowing what to do can be complicated. Here are some basic facts about international divorces that can assist you.

Filing for Divorce in the U.S.

If you live in the U.S. and your spouse is currently residing in a foreign country, you can still file for divorce in your local state court as long as you or your spouse fulfill that particular state’s residency requirements. In Connecticut, for example, one of you must be a resident in the state for at least a year preceding the date of filing unless:

• You lived there at the time of the marriage and, prior to filing the complaint, returned  with the intention of remaining OR
• The cause for the marriage breakdown arose after you or your spouse moved to Connecticut

Filing a Divorce Abroad

If you and your spouse are living in a foreign country, you won’t be able to meet state residency requirements, preventing you from filing for divorce in the U.S.. You will have to file where you currently reside. Most states will recognize a foreign divorce, although enforcing orders like child and spousal support will be difficult if one spouse or the children did not live in the country that issued the divorce order.

Child Custody

Child custody matters in an international divorce are especially challenging. According to the Uniform Child Custody and Jurisdiction Act (UCCJA), if a separation exists between a divorce matter and custody case, the child’s “home state” has jurisdiction over custody matters.

In this instance a “home state” is the location where the child has lived for at least six months or which has significant connections for him or her. It doesn’t have to be in the U.S.: if the child was born in France and resided there for a number of years, a U.S. court may decide that French courts should decide custody.

With international cases there is also a risk of child abduction. The 1980 Hague Convention has established procedures to return children who have been abducted internationally, but it only applies to countries that have signed it. When one parent lives in a country that is not a member of the Hague or is noncompliant with its terms (e.g. Mexico) it is wise to create a custody agreement that prohibits the child from being taken to that country.

Child Support

Forcing a reluctant parent to pay child support from another country is difficult, but not impossible thanks to the U.S. Office of Child Support Enforcement, which has an agreement with 26 other countries to help enforce child support orders when a parent lives overseas.

Alimony

Alimony protocols depend on the country where the divorce occurs. If you are awarded alimony in an American divorce but reside overseas, you have to pay tax on it unless a treaty indicates otherwise. If your foreign-resident spouse has been ordered to pay you alimony and suddenly stops, your only recourse is to get him or her physically into the United States to enforce the order to try to get his or her country of residence to support enforcement.

Property Division

If you have marital property in different countries, it can be tricky to divide assets and debts. An American divorce court values international property according to the laws and taxes of the country where the property is located, and then typically divides it according to the rules of the state issuing the divorce order. It can be difficult to enforce such a ruling, however, as not all countries will support an American judgment.

The world of international divorce can be a veritable maze of conflicting laws and customs, so it is important to consult a lawyer familiar with such cases before you file. Freed Marcroft can help you determine the best way to file as well as advise you on steps that can potentially simplify the process. Call us today.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Dissolution Without Borders: What You Need to Know About International Divorce appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Divorce is always an emotionally challenging experience, but the collaborative approach takes away that stereotypical adversarial aspect. Instead, collaborative fosters a cooperative environment where you and your spouse can resolve problems, agree on key issues, and preserve the integrity of your relationship. The latter aspect of collaborative divorce is especially important when you have children and want to maintain a positive association with your ex for their sake.

The Process

In the collaborative process, you and your spouse, with assistance from your respective attorneys, will resolve problems in a way that addresses your common objectives. In the beginning, you both agree to:

• Be respectful and act in good faith as you negotiate
• Voluntarily disclose all financial and other important information
• Avoid using – or threatening to use – litigation to resolve an issue

The prevailing focus is on win-win solutions that meet the needs of both spouses and children alike. Depending on what issues need to be settled, other members of the collaborative team may include:

• Mental health professionals
• Child advocates
• Financial planners

The Benefits

When a couple is willing to work together, collaborative divorce presents multiple advantages over the courtroom process.

• Better for the children: High-conflict divorce is stressful for children. Collaborative divorce minimizes their exposure to negativity and allows parents to create a positive post-divorce parenting partnership.

• Encourages communication: A framework is in place to communicate your concerns in a non-adversarial way and agree on an outcome.

• More control: You and your spouse have control over the outcome, whereas litigated divorces usually end with a judge making the final decisions.

• Less expensive: Litigated divorces are costly, with attorney fees, depositions, discovery costs, and more. In comparison, the collaborative process is much more affordable.

• Takes less time: Working together enables you and your spouse to reach an agreement sooner.

• Private proceedings: Court cases become a matter of public record, while the collaborative process is private. You can feel comfortable in knowing that all discussions will remain confidential.

An essential part of the collaborative process is that both parties and their attorneys agree to resolve issues via negotiation. If this turns out to be impossible, the divorce will have to be litigated. Collaborative divorce may also not work if there is a history of domestic violence or a big disparity in bargaining power. For everyone else, it presents an opportunity to settle financial matters, asset division, child custody, and other important areas without ever setting foot in a courtroom.

For more information, contact Freed Marcroft today. We are experienced in the collaborative approach to divorce and can answer your questions, guide you through the process, and help you reach a settlement that is the best for your family.

_____________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post What Every Couple Should Know About Collaborative Divorce appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Connecticut gets (gives itself?) a bad rap for being provincial.  Our clients indicate it is anything but.

In just the last couple of weeks, Freed Marcroft has arranged for service of process on spouses in two different European countries, the British Isles, and Canada.  This fits in with the trend we have seen at Freed Marcroft over the last several years.

Connecticut, Friends, has become very, very international.

Common International Divorce Situations

Here are the three situations we see most frequently:

• Both spouses are foreign nationals living in the United States
• Both spouses are United States nationals, but one or both are living abroad
• One spouse is a foreign national and one is a U.S. national living in the states or abroad

Recent New York Times Coverage of International Divorce

Connecticut is part of a bigger story.  This week alone there were not one but two stories in the New York Times on international divorce.  One (it’s long but worth the read) is the sordid tale of a Finnish entrepreneur’s attempts to hide millions when he set out to divorce his American wife.  The other discusses India’s divorce laws and how they are designed to discourage divorce by “offer[ing] a notably narrow selection of divorce-worthy faults, among them cruelty, incurable leprosy and renunciation of the world by entering religious orders.”

Attys. Freed and Marcroft at the Palais De Justice, Paris, France.

When we write about international divorce, we often focus on how critical it is to have counsel familiar with international custody issues — specifically with respect to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction.  This is because a misstep in an international divorce involving children can have such grave consequences.

In addition to issues involving children, however, this week’s Times articles underscore that international issues also add particular nuance to the financial and jurisdictional aspects of a divorce.

Example 1: Assets Held Abroad

In Connecticut, recent caselaw dictates that neither spouse dispose of property in contemplation of divorce.  Enforcement is one thing if the assets are in Connecticut — but when there is a chance that assets held in another country will be disposed of there is an added layer of significant complexity.

Example 2: Country In Which To File

Here’s another one.  The decision on whether to file in Connecticut or the foreign country is critical.  As we saw above with India, the impact of your choice of jurisdiction might dictate whether the divorce will even be granted.  Even if the ramifications aren’t as drastic as they are with India, they can still be significant.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that one spouse lives in France and one spouse lives in Connecticut and there is jurisdiction in both Connecticut and the appropriate territorial jurisdiction in France.  From an American point of view, alimony in France is often quite modest.  In addition, as a practical matter, there is also more negative financial impact on adulterous spouses.

For all of the above reasons along with many others, it is clear that when dealing with an international divorce, a proactive, thoughtful strategy is essential.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post “Provincial” Connecticut Meets French Provinces: International Divorce Strategy appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

As is often the case, Joan and Rob weren’t on exactly the same page when they came to us.  (By the way, names have been changed to protect the privacy of the wonderful.)  One spouse had considered divorce for awhile and, though emotional, was ready.  The other spouse wasn’t ready and was just beginning to work through some deep sadness surrounding the ending of the marriage.

Mediation

Rob and Joan decided to mediate.  When done for the right reasons, mediation is not only a kind but a brave choice.  Freed Marcroft’s mediators do not substitute our judgment for the client’s opinions.  Instead, we are responsible for creating an environment in which productive discussions and negotiations can occur.  As we pull out the issues that are important to each person, we ask both spouses to answer hard questions so that they can build plans for a future that will help their family thrive. Because, though it will look different than it does now, it is and will always be a family.

Mediation wasn’t easy for Joan and Rob.  Because they were at different stages in their acceptance of the divorce, it wasn’t always easy them to share their fears and interests during our meetings.  Sometimes it was a challenge to uncross their wires.  On multiple occasions, both reiterated their commitment to their (almost) grown children and to honoring their long relationship and marriage.  It was our sense that sometimes they were convincing themselves as well each other.

Despite the difficulty, Rob and Joan stuck with it.

Joan’s Note

We are about to head into the second Christmas since Joan and Rob’s divorce was final.  This is the email we received this morning from Joan:

Robin, Meghan and Kristen –

As I planned Christmas Eve luncheon with my Favorite Former Husband (FFH), kids, and parents I looked back on what you did for us and I cannot thank you enough.   I believe an amicable dissolution of the bond of marriage is the ultimate act of faith and trust in someone you no longer understand.  Thank you again for believing there was enough good left in us to get through the process.

 

–Joan

I asked Joan if I could share her note.  For some people, the holidays fall in the middle of the divorce process and that takes an extra emotional toll.  For couples who choose mediation or collaborative law instead of litigation, it can also cause them to wonder if it wouldn’t be “easier” to switch to litigation and outsource decision-making to a judge.  For many people, the first holiday after a divorce is finished is an emotional and practical struggle.  In both cases, the stress of the first “new normal” holidays can be immense.  Joan’s words, from the “other side” of a divorce, can help us all practice gratitude, keep our expectations realistic, and envision new beginnings.

As for the team at Freed Marcroft, well, we could receive no better Christmas gift than Joan’s note.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Christmas, Divorce, Mediation, and Gratitude: Lessons From A Former Client appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

When parents split, the dynamics of the entire family change. Two households are created, living arrangements are no longer the same, and the children no longer have both their parents with them at the same time. To minimize stress and set the groundwork for a positive future, you and your spouse should put aside personal differences and create a great parenting plan that is both realistic and favors the needs of your children.  This is true whether you are in a litigated, collaborative, or mediated divorce.

Connecticut Parenting Plans

Connecticut law (C.G.S. 46b-56a-d) specifies that parenting plans take the following elements into account:

• Which parent will decide matters pertaining to the child’s schooling, medical needs, and religious upbringing
• A visitation arrangement that takes holidays and vacations into account
• Plans for resolving future disputes
• How to resolve situations when one parent fails to meet parenting plan obligations
• How to meet the changing needs of the child as he or she grows
• Provisions for keeping parental conflict from stressing the child
• Ways of ensuring that you and your ex will compromise to uphold the child’s best interests

Creating a parenting plan that works for everyone will require both of you to orient your decisions around the best way to meet the emotional, physical, and financial needs of the children. You will have to discuss and agree upon key issues such as legal and physical custody.

Once Your Parenting Plan Is Created

After you and your ex agree on a plan, you will have to submit it to the court, where a judge will analyze it to confirm that it is in accord with the child’s best interests. Under CGS 46b-56c, the following factors will be taken into account to determine if your parenting plan is feasible:

• Your child’s temperament and developmental needs
• The preference of the child if he or she is old enough to state it
• The relationship of the child with you, your ex, any siblings, and other people who affect their well-being, such as extended family members
• The ability of each parent to be involved in the child’s life on an active basis
• The length of time the child has been in his or her current environment
• The mental and physical well-being of everyone involved

If the court concludes that the parenting plan is fair and meets the essential needs of the child, an order will be made to approve it. From that point on, you and your ex (now co-parent) must keep track of your schedule and agree to resolve disputes amicably or, at the very least, in a way that limits stress for the children.

While divorce cannot always be prevented, a good parenting plan will reduce its negative impact on your children and help them move forward with the love and active support of both parents.

For more information about parenting plans in Connecticut, contact Freed Marcroft today. We will help you create a workable arrangement that meets the needs of your children and gives them the foundation for a happy and emotionally secure future.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post How to Develop a Great Parenting Plan appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Freed Marcroft is pleased to announce the firm’s physical expansion into New Haven County. We are even more pleased to announce that Attorney Lisa J. Cappalli is joining us as Of Counsel on February 1, 2017.

Since the early 90s, Attorney Cappalli has employed her considerable skill, patience and calm demeanor to help hundreds of couples divorce with dignity through mediation. Attorney Cappalli was also among the earliest and is one of the most experienced collaborative divorce lawyers in Connecticut.  Since 2001, she has helped countless clients divorce respectfully, privately, and creatively through the collaborative process.

“I am thrilled and honored to be taking on my latest professional challenge, and am excited to become part of such a dynamic, talented, strong, and compassionate team of lawyers,” Attorney Cappalli writes. “I sincerely appreciate the Freed Marcroft commitment to my New Haven county client base by maintaining my Cheshire office and staff.”

We are proud to offer Attorney Cappalli’s experience and knowledge to our all of our clients, and to expand our Connecticut footprint.

Learn more about Attorney Cappalli here.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Freed Marcroft Adds Collaborative Divorce Leader Attorney Lisa Cappalli, Expands to New Haven County appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

If you are considering divorce, there are a lot of important decisions that you have to make. One of the most important is getting yourself properly prepared before the petition is filed, you tell the kids, and one of you moves out. Although divorce may change your life for the better, it’s a process that has to be backed by careful preparation and smart decision making.

Step One: Get Your Finances in Order

A large percentage of the divorce process involves the division and distribution of assets and debts. To be properly prepared, collect all financial paperwork such as bank account statements, credit card bills, debt-related documents, and investment reports in advance. If you suspect that the divorce may become contentious when it comes to finances, assembling these documents in advance will save the time and stress of trying to collect copies later.

Step Two: Talk to Your Spouse About Your Decision

If you have decided that you really do want a divorce, you need to decide how to break the news to your spouse.

Before scheduling a sit-down, determine in advance what you want to say. This will reduce the likelihood of you being distracted during the discussion. Prepare to remain calm and gently but firmly state your intention, using “I” statements whenever possible. (For example, “I think this is the best decision for me” instead of “I can’t be around you any more.”) If your spouse is willing to be amicable, you could even broach the possibility of collaborative divorce, which bypasses the expensive and time-consuming litigation process.

Step Three: Discuss Living Arrangements

Once a divorce is underway, the question of living arrangements will come up almost immediately. There’s no law saying that you and your soon-to-be former spouse can’t live under the same roof during the divorce process. The advisability of doing so depends on your particular circumstances. If the conclusion is that one of you should leave the marital home, we will guide you through how to handle financial and child custody issues in the interim.

Step Four: Speak to a Divorce Attorney

You will want to engage a law firm that focuses their practice on family law to represent you during your divorce.  Our Attorney Meghan Freed wrote about the advice she gave to a friend searching for a family lawyer.  You can read more about her top three tips: (1) look for a divorce attorney focused on your goals, (2) meet with a family law firm with lawyers experienced in all three divorce methods, and (3) make sure you and your firm have the rIght vibe and are compatible.

Once all of these steps are accomplished, you are in the best possible position to start the divorce process. While there is no ‘perfect’ time to end a marriage, being properly prepared will make it easier for you to achieve the best outcome for your situation.

If you are thinking about getting divorced in Connecticut, contact Freed Marcroft today. Our experienced and supportive family law team will review your circumstances and help you make the decisions necessary for a fulfilled and independent future.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Thinking About Divorce? Take These 4 Steps to Prepare Yourself appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

We made it.  Today may be the winter solstice, but tomorrow we turn the corner and begin the annual progressive march into light.

We humans are so attached to light that we operate on a solar calendar.  Ideally, the first day of the solar year and the first day of the calendar year would be lined-up, one and the same.  Given that “Post-Truth” has been declared the 2016 word of the year, I want to tell you a little bit about why January 1, and not December 22 (the day after the shortest day of the year), is the calendar new year.

I promise that if you hang in I will eventually explain what this all has to do with divorce.

But first, let’s learn about . . .

Julius Caesar and the Year of Confusion

Obligatory colosseum selfie attempt.

According to history.com, soon after becoming Roman dictator, Julius Caesar decided that the traditional Roman calendar was in dire need of reform.  Rome’s calendar had diverged from the seasons by some three months.  Caesar caught up by decreeing a single, 445-day-long “Year of Confusion” (46 B.C.) to correct the long years of drift in one go.

Bold move, right?  Fix your problem, all at once, albeit with a fiction.  (Imagine adding 89 days to 2016?  Thanksbutnothanks.)

Caesar’s hired gun the Alexandrian astronomer Sosigenes calculated a solar year to be 365 and 1/4 days.  So, Caesar decreed that every four years a day be added to February, thus theoretically keeping his calendar from falling out of step.

But here’s the rub.  Sosignes was close, but technically a solar year is actually 365.242 days.  That made Caesar’s calendar year some 11 minutes shorter than its solar counterpart, so the two diverged by an entire day every 128 years.

Pope Gregory XIII Cleans Up

11 minutes seem like a di minimus differential, but fast forward to the 16th century and Pope Gregory XIII, and this small discrepancy had caused important dates, including the Christian holidays, to drift by some ten days. Gregory found the situation untenable and unveiled the Gregorian calendar in 1582.

Gregory prospectively fixed the 11-minute shortage by dictating that leap years divisible by 100, like the year 1900, are skipped unless they’re also divisible by 400, like the year 2000, in which case they’re observed.  Dropping those three leap days every 400 years keeps the calendar on time.

That took care of the future, but how did Gregory fix the existing ten-day drift?   He took a page from Caesar’s book and dropped ten days from the month of October in 1582.

(As an aside, shortly before his assassination in 44 B.C., Caesar changed the name of the month Quintilis to Julius (July) after himself, and Gregory names the whole calendar after himself.  Hopefully, in Fall 2017 I’m not writing to you about “Divorce and Trumptober.”)

What can we learn about divorce from Caesar and Gregory?

First Divorce Lesson: Problem Solve

Caesar and Gregory each had a problem and took bold, creative steps to fix it.  Divorcing is an overwhelming process.  Try to focus on finding solutions to issues that arise, and don’t count out the unconventional.

Second Lesson: Hire Experts

You have to give Sosignes — and Caesar for hiring Sosignes — a lot of credit.  His math worked for 1,600 years before Gregory got ticky.  Even experienced divorce counsel won’t be able to predict the future, but you will benefit from their experience, training, and insights.

Third Lesson: Be Flexible

A 41 day October is better than a 445 day year.  When something isn’t working, correct course like Gregory.  For example, discuss modifying your parenting plan before resentment grows.  No one needs a familial year of confusion.

Fourth Lesson: Good is Good Enough

Gregory’s system remains what we use today.  It produces an average year length of 365.2425 days, just half a minute longer than the solar year. At such a rate it will take 3,300 years before the Gregorian calendar moves even a day from our seasonal cycle.

So, 3,000 years from now, a future generation might decide to tweak leap year.  For now though, good is pretty darn good, and it is certainly is good enough.

The same goes for you as you navigate your divorce.  Do your best, but, for goodness sake, cut yourself some slack.  After all, you’ve already survived the longest night of the year.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Divorce Tips From Caesar in Honor of the Shortest Day of the Year appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Ron Galella/WireImage

Over here at Freed Marcroft we have been struggling with the untimely passing of Carrie Fisher.   Fisher held a special place in the hearts of so many girls of the 1980s — and Freed Marcroft has so very many girls of the 1980s.

I have read more wonderful Carrie Fisher quotes in the past few days than I could have conceived.  Other than the sassy ones, the one that really got me was the one we shared on Freed Marcroft’s Facebook and Instagram.  “Stay afraid, but do it anyway.  What’s important is the action.  You don’t have to wait to be confident.  Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”

Carrie Fisher and Paul Simon

I didn’t think about what Carrie Fisher had to teach us about divorce until I came across an article that referenced Paul Simon’s tweet about the death of his former wife.

Carrie Fisher and Paul Simon had an “explosive love affair.”  As Fisher wrote in her autobiography Wishful Drinking, “Paul and I dated for six years, were married for two, divorced for one, and then we had good memories of each other and so what do you think we did? No-no, we didn’t remarry. We dated again.”

It is well known that Simon wrote several songs about Fisher — most
commonly “Hearts and Bones” and the Simon classic, “She Moves On.”

Fisher wrote, “If you can get Paul Simon to write a song about you, do it. Because he is so brilliant at it.”  Go download “Hearts and Bones” and “She Moves On” and let Paul Simon do what he does best and sing to you.

But Don’t Forget “Graceland”

There is a piece of another song, though, that some say Simon wrote about Fisher.  “Graceland” — the soundtrack that still plays when we think about a certain time in our lives.

She comes back to tell me she’s gone
As if I didn’t know that
As if I didn’t know my own bed
As if I’d never notice
The way she brushed her hair from
Her forehead and she said, “Losing love
Is like a window in your heart
Everybody sees you’re blown apart
Everybody sees the wind blow”

Simon captures the loneliness, exposure, and vulnerability experienced during divorce.  But “Graceland” isn’t a song about how angry he was at Fisher for leaving him.  It is a song about how we often don’t fully understand what we’re doing, and how all of us can access grace.

And I may be obliged to defend
Every love, every ending
Or maybe there’s no obligations now
Maybe I’ve a reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post What Carrie Fisher and Paul Simon Teach Us About Divorce appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

“Sam” found out about his wife’s decision to divorce on New Year’s Eve.

“She said she wanted to talk, and I assumed we were going to resolve together to lose our post-Thanksgiving weight.  Instead, it turned out that her resolution was to divorce.  Didn’t exactly make me want to break out the Veuve I had chilling.”

For Sam’s wife, making the decision had been a difficult and lengthy process.  Many of our clients share that they took months, years, and even decades trying to decide whether to divorce.  Finally making the decision and moving forward is scary, but also often provides a sense of relief and even excitement for the future.

Things are different for the spouse receiving the news.  They have not weighed, processed, and made the decision.  They did not make the choice, and often do not agree with the choice.  They generally experience some combination of fear, worry, sadness, and even panic.

The divorce process goes more smoothly when both spouses commit to remaining conscious of what the other is experiencing.

Why Are More Divorces Initiated In January than Any Other Month?

Some spouses made the resolution to move forward with a divorce sometime earlier in the year.  But, especially when there are children, many people decide to delay sharing their decision to end the marriage until after the holiday season.

For others, friction during the holiday seasons is a catalyst for spouses to separate.  The pressure and tension of the holidays are sometimes the “final straw” in an already strained marriage.

For Sam’s wife and others, the New Year is a symbolic time of hope and new beginnings.  Celebration of change is all around, and that environment can provide the nudge to make big, transformative decisions.

But while increased divorce filings after the holiday season are the statistical norm — it often comes as a real shock to spouses on the receiving end of a divorce announcement.

How To Take Care of Yourself and Be Kind To Your Spouse

Here are some tips on how to take care of yourself and be kind to your spouse during the beginning stages of a divorce — with a dash of Sam.

1.  Do Everything You Can To Be Patient and Calm

If the divorce was your decision, remember that your spouse may well be caught off-guard. Have patience as he struggles to understand what happened and begins to try to conceive of a future different than he had imagined. Remember that it took you a long time to come to the decision, and he is playing emotional and practical catch-up.

If the divorce was not your decision, focus on trying to maintain an even temper. You do not want to say or do things that you will regret.  You may want to know “why” and your spouse’s response may frustrate or upset you.  Although getting your spouse to spouse to try to save the marriage through counseling or other steps may be at the forefront of your mind, that should not prevent you from beginning to make your own preparations in the event that the divorce proceeds.  Meeting with a divorce lawyer will help you know your options and give you a sense of control.  Sam was in our office for the first time two days after the New Year.

2.  Avoid Fault and Blame

I have never met a divorcing couple who agreed 100% on their history and what lead to the divorce.  If you are the one telling your spouse you want a divorce, don’t recount who did what to whom.  Simply tell her that the marriage has not worked for a long time, that you no longer believe it can be fixed, and that divorce is the only alternative you can see in the future.

Depending on whether she saw a divorce coming, your spouse may be in acute pain. If she tries to draw you into a discussion of fault and recrimination, refuse to have that discussion.  Remember that, as the one who made the decision, you are in a better position to manage your emotions and reactions.  One of the things Sam most appreciates (in retrospect), is that his wife refused, as he put it, to “take any of my impressive attempts to bait her.”

If you are on the receiving end of divorce news, it may be difficult to accept that both of you have contributed to the erosion of the marriage and that it is pointless to try to figure out who is more to blame.  Try to focus your mind and your conversations on how to ensure that the two of you (and your children if you have them) come through the process intact and able to rebuild and thrive.  (This is easier said than done, of course.)

3.  Don’t Try To Resolve Everything Right Away

If divorce is your choice, remember that your spouse may be very anxious about economic issues, or custody and access to the children.  He will likely not have had the opportunity to meet with a lawyer and will be unsure of his options.

The fear he is experiencing may lead him to react in an (understandably) hostile way.  There may be provocative, absolute “always/never” statements.  Reassure him that you will be fair and that you are confident that the two of you will work out a reasonable agreement, but right now is not the time to do it. Don’t take the bait and don’t have any discussions for which neither of you are ready.  Give your spouse the time and space he needs — even when he doesn’t know he needs it.

When you are the one hearing the news, try not to say much.  Rather than fight, try to maintain calm and end the discussion without trying to get a plan in place.  Get yourself appointments with people who can give you option, guidance, and clarity.  You will want to speak with a divorce attorney and likely have a session with a mental health professional who can help you deal with the trauma you are experiencing.  The sand just shifted underneath your feet, and you will need time and help adjusting before you try to make major decisions.  According to Sam, “What I assumed happened in a divorce was basically all wrong and the immediate plan I can up with when she first told me was nuts.  Thank goodness I paused before I just rolled it out.”

What Happened To Sam?

Sam got through it.  He and his wife had a civil divorce and they occasionally have dinner.  He began running last year, and his New Year’s resolution this year is to train for the Hartford Marathon.  Go, Sam, go.

On behalf of the Freed Marcroft team, we wish you a wonderful New Year.

May we all be bold, brave, and kind.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post What To Do When Divorce Is Your (Or Your Spouse’s) New Year’s Resolution appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

On Sunday, January 29, 2016, Freed Marcroft issued a statement and a matching challenge with respect to President Trump’s Executive Order on Immigration and Refugees.

“One of the practice areas of which we are most proud is our international divorce and custody practice. Through it, we have had the privilege to meet people of tremendous hope and patriotism. Many of them are people of considerable talent critical to Connecticut businesses.

As attorneys, we took an oath to support the Constitution, and practice according to the best of our learning and judgment, faithfully, to our clients and the court.

As our first action in support of the Constitution and our clients and their families who now find themselves the innocent targets of an unconstitutional Executive Order, we will match your contributions to either the ACLU (www.aclu.org) or Immigration Equality (www.immigrationequality.org) up to $2,280, representing the filing fee for two permanent residency (green card) applications.

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Freed Marcroft Raises Over $7,000 for ACLU in 1 Day on Heels Of Trump Immigration Executive Order appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Groundhog Day is a bigger deal in my family than it is most — that is to say if it any kind of deal at all in most.  My Dad was born on February 2, so checking in on Punxsutawney Phil and winter prediction is part of the birthday ritual.

By the way, hot off the presses, Phil saw his shadow (as he always seems to) around sunrise at this morning.  If you’re a believer, that means six more weeks of winter.  Heck, even if you are a non-believer, there are six more weeks of winter.

What Groundhog’s Day Can Teach Us About Divorce

For our “Do’s and Dont’s,” we turn to Groundhog Day, the 1993 Bill Murray comedy where Bill finds himself repeating the same day, over and over again.

1. Don’t Be a Crank Like Bill Murray, Hire a Professional

Bill Murray was actually undergoing a divorce while Groundhog Day was being filmed.  Like many people going through the divorce process, it took an emotional toll on Bill.  This showed in his behavior — he was “crankier than usual, and prone to disappearing for hours at a time.”  He also obsessed about the film and would call the director constantly, “often in the early hours of the morning.”  The Director, Harold Ramis, eventually couldn’t take it anymore and had one of the writers try to handle Bill.

It can be difficult to manage your emotions, and the manifestation of those emotions, during divorce.  Remember that emotions will (and should!) come out — the trick is to pick the correct environment.  Rather than lay it all on your (wonderful but untrained) friends, family, and coworkers, find a mental health professional.  You will get the emotional release you need, guidance on how to negotiate a trying time, and — perhaps best of all — won’t jeopardize your personal relationships in the process.

2.  Do Be Like Bill Murray, Make a Shift

Many people have a Groundhound Day like experience as they are contemplating divorce.  Their relationship repeats the same pattern, over and over.  They experience the same pain and frustration, over and over.

In the end of the movie, Bill examined his life and priorities and made a shift to what he decided mattered most to him.  Be like Bill, think carefully and decide whether to make a shift.  Move on, and build the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Oh, and happy birthday, Dad!

__________________________________________________

Freed Marcroft’s attorneys guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce and family law issues while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.

To discuss our helping with your situation, contact us today either here or by phone at 860-560-8160.

The post Groundhog Day and Divorce: Do’s and Don’ts appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Divorce is a major life change for you and your children, but it doesn’t have to be conflict-laden or emotionally devastating. Although most people think that divorce is characterized by a nasty and drawn-out courtroom battle, it is actually possible to end a marriage in gentler ways that protect the children and preserve the dignity of your relationship with your former spouse. These alternatives to traditional litigated divorce are known as mediation and collaboration.

Mediation

Divorce mediation is a process in which a couple works with a neutral, third-party mediator to reach an agreement on all key aspects of the divorce, such as spousal support, custody of minor children, and division of marital assets and debts. Unlike judges, mediators do not impose an outcome on either of you: his or her role is to help you reach resolutions that are appropriate to your unique needs and circumstances.

Although mediation is not a courtroom process, you and your spouse will each retain your own, independent legal counsel (often called “reveiw counsel”) to consult with you prior to your signing the final settlement agreement.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative divorce is another process that allows you and your spouse to reach a divorce settlement without appearing in court. Each of you will hire an attorney with specific training in collaborative divorce, and there may be other neutral third parties involved, such as a coach who will help you both tread through emotionally heavy issues (e.g. child custody) or a financial planner who will guide you in the direction of smart financial decisions.

The collaborative process requires you, your spouse, and your respective attorneys to sign an agreement that calls for both attorneys to withdraw if the threat of litigation arises or you fail to reach a settlement.

Some Advantages to Mediation and Collaborative Divorce

The advantages of these alternative divorce processes include:

• You remain in control of the divorce because you, and not a judge, are making the decisions
• Agreements may be reached more quickly, which can reduce emotional toll and expense
• A more positive long-term relationship with your former spouse, which is important when children are involved
• A gentler transition for the children, as conflict and hostility are minimized
• More privacy

When it comes to divorce, you and your spouse have options other than the traditional route of litigation. Which one you should choose depends on your situation, as every couple is different. If you truly believe that you and your soon-to-be-ex can cooperate in reaching a settlement, mediation or collaborative divorce could work very well for you. If you cannot agree on important issues, however, or, if, for example, there is a history of domestic violence in your relationship, then a litigated divorce may be a more appropriate solution.

If you are thinking about getting divorced in Connecticut and want to explore the possibilities of mediation, collaborative divorce, or traditional litigation, contact Freed Marcroft today. We have years of experience in all three divorce processes and will help you select an option that matches your needs and circumstances.

The post Collaboration or Mediation? appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Prenuptial agreements are not unique to this generation. For decades, engaged couples have used them to protect each person’s respective assets in the event of divorce, especially if one or both parties were of high net worth. What has changed is the type of property being protected. In addition to money, retirement accounts, real estate, and commercial holdings, millennials in particular are taking steps to protect their intellectual property.

Intellectual Property Defined

Intellectual property refers to the ownership of ideas and concepts. Examples of such property includes (but is not limited to):

• Music
• Literary works such as books and screenplays
• Art such as paintings and sculptures
• Movies
• Technological creations such as software and apps
• Scientific and medical developments and ideas

Under ordinary circumstances, these creations are protected from third-party infringement by copyrights, patents, trademarks, and similar safeguards. With couples, it’s a different matter altogether because even intellectual works and the profits they generate can be subject to division in a divorce settlement.

When Does Intellectual Property Become a Marital Asset?

Marital property refers to any assets, tangible and otherwise, that are acquired during the marriage but prior to separation. It may also include the appreciation in value of any property that was owned by one spouse prior to the marriage but sustained by marital funds and effort afterwards. While intangible assets such as royalties, copyrights and patents may not always produce a reliable income, their potential to generate profits and increase in value remain.

Whether or not an intellectual work becomes marital property depends on the circumstances of its development and creation. If, for example, a musician wrote a hit song while his wife worked outside the home to support his ambitions, any royalties from that song could be distributed in a divorce settlement because of her contribution. But if a writer completed a manuscript prior to the marriage and finds a publisher for it afterwards, any income from the book might not necessarily become marital property because the other spouse did not contribute toward its creation or development.

By including such potential assets in a prenuptial agreement, millennials are addressing the possibility of future income that could conceivably come from their ideas and creations. Without the agreement, the division of these assets could potentially be unfair to the original creator should a divorce ever occur.

If you are planning to get married soon and need assistance in drafting a prenuptial agreement, contact Freed Marcroft today. We will help you safeguard your future by accounting for intellectual property as well as tangible assets, so that if the marriage ever does end, you will be able to continue benefiting fairly from what you worked so hard to create.

The post Here’s an Idea: How About a Prenup for Ideas? appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

When you’re planning to get married, the last thing you want to do is prepare an action plan in the event that the relationship ends in divorce. It’s not exactly romantic, and it suggests that your marriage has an expiration date—or does it?

While prenups do cover topics like asset distribution in the event that you go your separate ways, they can also deal with matters that, once discussed and agreed upon, can actually deepen your relationship. Working together to draft a prenuptial agreement allows you to get on the same page with your soon-to-be-spouse when it comes to numerous topics which are important to consider before marriage, but far too many couples fail to discuss. Still, stereotypes and negative perceptions about prenuptial agreements persist, making it even more important to separate fact from fiction on the subject so that you can make an informed decision about this beneficial contract.

Below is a list of three myths and misconceptions about signing a prenuptial agreement, and why they should be disregarded.

1. A Prenuptial Agreement Means You Don’t Trust Your Spouse

This is one of the strongest assumptions about any contract governing a marriage. If you ask your spouse to sign one, it means that you don’t trust him or her and want to protect your assets in advance. The truth is that creating a prenuptial agreement can deepen your sense of trust and commitment because financial matters and other touchy subjects are talked about in advance, allowing both of you to have realistic expectations as you embark on your life together.

2. A Prenuptial Agreement Means You Expect the Marriage to Fail

Another myth is that a prenuptial agreement is essentially an admission that the marriage will likely fail. On the contrary: a prenup discussion is an investment in the success of your relationship. You will both talk about and agree on important matters like money and parenting values before you get married, helping you avoid fights on the subject later on.

3. A Prenuptial Agreement is Something Only Very Wealthy People Need

While it is true that prenuptial agreements were once the domain of the already rich and famous, today many couples should enter into one. You and your spouse can decide for yourselves how your marital property will be shared or divided instead of letting a judge who is unaware of your future goals and mutual understandings make that decision.

While discussing prenuptial agreements can be difficult, don’t let myth-induced fears prevent you from sitting down with your partner and protecting your futures, individually and as a couple. Like vehicle or home insurance, a prenuptial agreement is something you should have in place but hope to never need, and the discussion about its terms can strengthen the foundation of your upcoming union.

For assistance in drafting a prenuptial agreement, contact Freed Marcroft today. We will help you understand your rights and responsibilities and create a contract that will leave you free to focus on your wedding day, not your assets.

The post 3 Myths and Misconceptions About Signing a Prenuptial Agreement appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

Every year, parental separation and divorce affects over one million children in the U.S.. Because today’s society is a lot more mobile than preceding generations, it is not unusual for the parents of these children to move to different cities and even different states. In the latter instance, jurisdictional issues can arise that divorced parents need to know about.

The UCCJEA Explained

At one time, custody matters were decided according to where the child currently lived, even if they were newly arrived in the state. This motivated parents to move to jurisdictions that were favorable to their custody goals. Connecticut’s codification of the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) in 1997, which replaced an earlier Uniform Act, tempered this activity.

While it cannot be used to decide which parent has custody or how visitation is to be structured, the UCCJEA does determine which state has jurisdiction over certain child custody disputes. It maintains that family courts connected to the child’s ‘home state’ has the exclusive right to determine these matters.

Home State Defined

The UCCJEA defines a home state as the state where the child has lived with their parent for at least six consecutive months before or up to the custody proceeding. If the child has not lived in a single state for six consecutive months, the court of the state where the child and at least one parent have “significant connections” and where substantial evidence related to the custody determination exists may assume jurisdiction.  If, for any reason, neither circumstance applies to a particular state, then any state with an appropriate connection to the child can make a custody determination.

Let’s look an an example. You and your spouse divorce in Connecticut and the court awards her custody of the children. Soon afterwards, she moves to New York with them. Months later, you decide to file for a change of custody. Even though New York is currently the ‘home state’ for the children, Connecticut courts will retain jurisdiction because initial custody determination was made in that state and you still live here.

If an emergency springs up that threatens the welfare of the child, any state may assume temporary jurisdiction to take protective measures, but once the urgency subsides, the child’s home state will have priority.

As you can see, child custody matters become complicated once state lines are crossed. For advice on moving with your children after divorce or modifying a custody order issued by a Connecticut court, please contact Freed Marcroft today. We will give you the best applicable advice for your situation, so that you and your children continue to maintain a strong and cherished bond.

The post What Divorced Parents Need to Know About the UCCJEA appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.

When you and your spouse make the decision to divorce, two major and often contentious issues arise. One, if there are children, is child custody. The other is how marital property will be divided. In other words, who gets the house? Or the retirement accounts? Or the summer cottage that your spouse’s parents gave him a couple of years ago?

Worrying about asset division should not make you feel petty or greedy. In fact, it’s normal to be worried about losing money and other belongings that have been a part of your life. Together with your lawyers, you and your spouse may opt to come to your own arrangement regarding who gets what, but if an amicable agreement proves impossible, the court will step in.

Equitable Distribution Explained

When it comes to marital property, Connecticut is an equitable distribution state. This does not mean that the property will be split 50/50 between you and your spouse. ‘Equitable’ means that the courts will divide it in a way deemed to be fair to both parties, and the ‘fairness’ could dictate that one of you gets more than the other.

When dividing up the marital property, several different factors are taken into consideration. They include but are not limited to:

• How long your marriage lasted
• The reasons why the marriage came to an end
• The respective ages and health condition of each spouse
• The current income, occupation, and employability of each spouse
• The personal assets and liabilities of each spouse
• The ability of each spouse to be self-sustaining
• The contribution that each spouse made to the acquisition, maintenance, or appreciation of marital assets

Fault is also considered by the court in making property division determinations. If one of you contributed substantially to the breakdown of the marriage, it is possible the other may be compensated with a greater share of marital assets than they might otherwise have received.

Property and Ownership Rights in a Divorce

Connecticut differs from many other states in the way that it regards property and ownership rights. When a couple divorces, practically all property is subject to distribution. This includes:

• Property that each spouse acquired prior to the marriage
• Property in the name of one spouse only
• Inheritances and gifts

The court will divide these and other assets as fairly as possible, but the only way to maintain a degree of control over property distribution is to come to an agreement with your spouse or use a tool like divorce mediation to resolve things on more amicable terms.

At Freed Marcroft, we give you advice appropriate to your circumstances and provide the legal guidance and support you need to move on to the next phase of your life.  If you are considering filing for divorce in Connecticut, please contact Freed Marcroft to schedule a consultation.

The post Who Gets the House? How Connecticut Handles Property Division appeared first on Freed Marcroft LLC.